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STIFF KITTIE
Lyrics


Ever wished you could sing along with your favorite Stiff Kittie Classics, but have no idea what they're saying?? Worry no more! Stiff Kittie lyrics are here! As new songs are finished and recorded, the boys will add the lyrics to this page. Even better is that here you will find lyrics to songs that haven't even been recorded yet! How bodacious is that?! Now the whole world will know the poetic beauty of these masterpieces! Enjoy!

FALLEN

I don't know what it is

This feeling that I get

It's taken me far away to a place

That I have never been

I looked up at the sign

"Welcome to cloud nine"

So I called my best friend

And said "When are you coming to get me outta here?"

She was wearing a dress

the day that we first me

She looked at me and I tried to speak

but nothing would come out

She just smiled and she winked

I never should have blinked

I looked in her eyes to see my demise

And all she said was "Hold on tight"

I think I've tripped and fallen in love

I hope nobody helps me up

Tell my friends we've got a man down

I hope nobody saves me now

"Lets make kool-aid" she said

And watch cartoons in bed

How did you know that gumby was my favorite

Show me whats real

And I'll tell you how I feel

Who put these words into my mouth?

Will somebody please take them out?

I think I've tripped and fallen in love

I hope nobody helps me up

Tell my friends we've got a man down

I hope nobody saves me

What the hell'd you do to me

To knock me out from under feet

I fell so hard it took my breath away

Maybe I don't seem to mind

Its better down here anyway

Just don't tell my friends I feel this way

I think I've tripped and fallen in love

I hope nobody helps me up

Tell my friends we've got a man down

I hope nobody saves me now

Saves me now, I hope nobody saves me now

SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG

I told myself that I was through

Happy on my own, and then I met you

I said I’m better off alone and I don’t need a girl

I’ve got it all

How could I have let this happen?

Something can’t be right

Oh no, something has gone wrong

Oh no, I think that I’m in love

I don’t know how something wrong

Could feel like something right

I tried to fight the urge to give

To all your secret ways to pull me in

Well who’s to curse and who’s to blame

Maybe cupid doesn’t have good aim

How could I have let this happen?

Something can’t be right

Oh no, something has gone wrong

Oh no, I think that I’m in love

I don’t know how something wrong

Could feel like something right

I tried so hard to let you know

My heart was not for sale

But all my trying was in vain

When you smiled the way you do

Look what you’ve done, I’m in love with you

Oh no, something has gone wrong

Oh no, I think that I’m in love

I don’t know how something wrong

Could feel like something right

BAD DREAM

I’m back I’ve been gone all night

So confused, how’d the time fly by?

I’ve been dropped off in a meadow
and I’m chillin with a mutilated cow I met

I’m lost, where do I begin?

I don’t know where the hell I’ve been

Thoughts of me sedated
I think I’ve been violated by some aliens

Will I ever know what they did with that sharp thing near my rear?

I know its over but is it over?

For now I guess it is

Your spaceship will come back again

But for now I’ll just pretend like it was just a bad dream

I know that I’m not insane

Is there a chip planted in my brain?

I can hear some people talkin’
and I hear a little rockin’ on the radio

I can’t say a single word

Cause it all sounds so absurd

But I know I wasn’t dreamin I remember all the screamin

But I just can’t prove it

Will I ever know what they did with that sharp thing near my rear?

I know its over but is it over?

For now I guess it is

Your spaceship will come back again

But for now I’ll just pretend like it was just a bad dream

SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION

I was so happy when I got

A date with this real hot girl

She was fine and she was mine

I felt like the king of the world

We went to the restaraunt

And she seemed a little sick

She said, "ah, don't worry about it, Im alright"

And I said suck on this (Halls with menthol and vitamin C)

I thought that it was me

That we weren't meant to be

So I asked and she denied

She wanted me in her life

I started to relax when she sat back

And closed her eyes

She coughed she sneezed, a flash of light

And she was out of sight

Spontaneous human combustion

It can happen anytime

One minute they're in front of you

And next there is no sign

Of them anywhere

So you should just beware

Spontaneous human combustion

It can happen anytime

So I guess its pretty clear

That our time was over here

So I gathered up her ashes, and her silver glasses

And ran away in tears

And so the next day

We were practicing our songs

We were working on a new one

About men wearing thongs (oh thats just wrong)

Then all of a sudden

Scott said his tummy hurt

So we tried some pepto bismol

But he said it didnt work

So in case you all are wondering

Why Scotts not in our band

It's kind of hard to talk about

But try and understand

He coughed he sneezed

A flash of light

He disappeared before our eyes

And now our band is just two guys

Spontaneous human combustion

It can happen anytime

One minute they're in front of you

And next there is no sign.....

Of them anywhere

So you should just beware

Spontaneous human combustion

It can happen anytime

Some people think its just a myth

But now I know its true

Spontaneous human combustion

It can happen to me

And it can happen to you

PROM SONG

I remember the night I asked you

I was scared what you would say

"Of course I'll go to the prom with you"

You were hot so I was happy

I went to your house to pick you up

Your little sister let me in

I remember you standing there

And on your head was your underwear

I said, what are you doing?

We're going to the prom in an hour

And thats when I realized that you were crazy

My prom date was frickin crazy

We went to the steakhouse for dinner

You said that you were really hungry

You tried to order everything on the menu

But when they wouldn't give it to you you started screamin

I said, what are you doing?

We're going to the prom in an hour

And thats when I remembered that you were crazy

My prom date was frickin crazy

We got in my car to go to the dance

I turned on the radio

They were playin your favorite song

You stuck your head out the window and barked like a dog

I said, what are you doing?

We're going to the prom in an hour

And then i was like, oh yeah, youre fricken crazy!

My prom date was frickin crazy

Frickin crazy

SONG FOR THE BROKEN-HEARTED

This is the song for the broken-hearted

For anyone who has ever got the shaft

This is the song for the loves that started

But ended up with somebody ripped in half

Its okay to be sad

Just dont drown yourself in all your tears

Its okay to be mad

Just dont go Van Gogh and cut off your ears

When you feel like you could pull out your hair

Just remember theres plenty of broads out there

This is the song for the broken-hearted

For anyone who has ever got the shaft

This is the song for the loves that started

But ended up with somebody ripped in half

Its okay to be alone

Just dont get pissed off and blow up his home

Its okay to cry

Just dont go Bobbit and cut off his guy

When youre feelin like youve just been swept

Just remember theres plenty of dumb guys left

This is the song for the broken-hearted

For anyone who has ever got the shaft

This is the song for the loves that started

But ended up with somebody ripped in half

SO WONDERFUL TO ME

If I was an engineer I'd build myself a chick machine

I'd produce the finest woman that this world has ever seen

She would be so smart and pretty

Love to listen to Stiff Kittie

She would be so wonderful to me

If I was a scientist I'd clone myself the perfect girl

I'd search the corners of the earth to find the best one in the world

Her DNA would be the best she wouldnt whine or PMS

She would be so wonderful to me

If I was a wizard I would conjure up the perfect gal

She'd look good in everything from dresses to a paper towel

She'd know how to fix a car, burp her name and play guitar

She would be so wonderful to me

Yeah she would be so wonderful to me

CHICKS ARE WEIRD

Chicks are fricken weird

I feel I'll never understand

But when it comes to me and her

I know she's got me in a stir

I thought she wanted something else

But chicks do not make sense

They do weird things and hence

Rip your heart out and put it in a blender

Why's this so? I just don't know

Chicks are fricken weird

I wish that I could know before I get old

Chicks are fricken weird

An evil alien race

But when I dream, I dream of them

And if they weren't so hot I'd stop

I didn't they were so bad

But chicks do not make sense

They do weird things and hence

Rip your heart out and put it in a blender

Why's this so? I just don't know

Chicks are fricken weird

I wish that I could know before I get old

Chicks are fricken weird

GIRLS FART

I heard a sound last night

And I know it wasn't right

She must have eaten too much chili

Had me thinkin' I was silly

Maybe it was Mexican food

All I know is thats when I realized...

Girls Fart

All night long going "Poot Poot"

Shes going Toot Toot

I never heard such flatulation

It was a constant cry

She brought a tear to my eye

All I know is thats when I realized...

Girls Fart

All night long

She was squeekin' the mouse in my house

How could I have been so brainless?

I always thought that girls were flawless

I never thought it possible

Her sounds were impossible

She told me to pull her finger

All I know is thats when I realized...

Girls Fart

NEVER LEARNED HOW TO SWIM

It was late last spring, we were at the beach

We were so obnoxious trying to get these ladies numbers

When all of a sudden, some girls came a'runnin

And before I knew what happened we were jumpin in butt naked

Jumpin in butt naked

But I never learned how to swim

But I sure wish that I did

I never learned how to swim

But I sure as hell wish I did know how to swim

Before I could think, I started so sink

I was splashin like a walrus getting eaten by a shark

Next thing I remember, I was lying on the beach

One of those pretty ladies was makin out with me

Makin out with me

I never learned how to swim

But I sure wish that I did

I never learned how to swim

But I sure as hell wish I did know how to swim

When I came to my senses I was so mistaken

I thought I got some action

But I just got mouth to mouth resuccessitation

I never learned how to swim

And Im glad I never did

I never learned how to swim

And I sure as hell am glad I never learned how to swim

FOOD IN THE TUMMY

Yeah, we like to rock it

And we eat milk chocolate

Oh please please please

Macaroni and cheese

Spaghetti is it ready?

I am walkin on my knees

I will set the table

Mom will do the rest

Bring out the Helmans

And bring out the best

Beef's whats for dinner

Steak is the winner

And as grandma always says

Everything's better with Cool Whip

I scream you scream

We all scream for ice cream

With a side of cake

And white fluffy icing

All my favorite foods

For each and every mood

All i can say is

Im one happy dude

I like to put the food in the tummy

Put-the-put-the food in the tummy

I like to put the food in the tummy

Put-the-put-the food in the tummy

A person once asked me

What I want on my tombstone

I said pepperoni and beef

With a sigh of relief

I need to milk me a cow

Cuz I gotta have my Pops

Lego my Ego

Give me seven pork chops

Maybe tomorri

I'll have some calamari

With a big box of strawberry

Fruit snack safari

I like to put the food in the tummy

Put-the-put-the food in the tummy

I like to put the food in the tummy

Put-the-put-the food in the tummy

LAUGHING IS BETTER THAN CRYING

To see you so sad makes me tremble inside

When I hear you cry I wanna be by your side

Then dry your tears so you can smile again

I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy and then

Do it over again

Cause laughing is much better than crying

Stop frowing, I'd much rather

see you smiling

To see you so sad makes me tremble inside

When I hear you cry I gotta be by your side

Then dry your tears so you can smile again

I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy and then

Do it over again

Cause laughing is much better than crying

Stop frowing, I'd much rather

see you smiling

LIKE SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS

Wake up in the morning sunlight

Make an Easy Cheese omlette for two

Put on my threads and head back to bed

Dream of the first time I made out with you

Turn on Nintendo and chill with the bros

Down a sixer and some stale nachos

Sit and write these lyrics while I doodle

What the hell did I do with my poodle?

Like sands through the hourglass...

Stiff Kittie in the morning

Stiff Kittie in the night

Stiff Kittie forever and ever

All the days of our lives, all the days of our lives

The night has gone won't you give me some lovin?

My mind is numb and I'm feelin all giddy

I want to kiss you but you ain't got no lips

Oh what a pity, go blame it on the kitty

Like sands through the hourglass...

Stiff Kittie in the morning

Stiff Kittie in the night

Stiff Kittie forever and ever

All the days of our lives, all the days of our lives

Like sands through the hourglass

EX-GIRLFRIEND (THE DINGALING SONG)

When we first were datin' it was all nice and fine

Kissin' on the porch I thought that you were all mine

Little did I know, So little did it grow

The girl I had been kissin' had no feelings no more

Why's this always happen?

What happened to the cap'n?

Girl you know you hurt me make me singin' and a rappin'

I think I'm gonna bust, what happened to our trust?

You said that we were friends

And that it was a must

It never works, Im about to give up

Was this what we wanted? Im about to throw up

I can't believe it, Its like a stupid dream

Someone wake me up, I think I'm gonna scream

Yes I know its over there's the start and here's the end

Again my heart is broken, now how do I defend?

True this all may suck, My heart can only mend

Time is on my side, and that you cannot hide

Dude! don't you know I got yo' back

Cuz you know this chick is wack

Even though she's got some rack

It's a shame to waste your mack

She's a ho

Don't go mess with her no more

I heard she left you for a girl

You know her brain is in a swirl

Oh what the frick!

You don't need this chick

Two girls gettin' jiggy with it?

Man that is sick

Man you know you're right

Its like day and night

Its and endless game

But not and endless fight

True I will be hurt

Time and again

But now I know

I can only win

This girls a-hoe'in

My rhymes a-flowin

She's a girl in disguise

Shes someone you dispise

This girls a-HOE'IN

My rhymes a-flowin

She makes my temper rise

With all these hatred lies

...Captains log, you dont need this dawg

(My dingaling my dingaling, I want you to play with my dingaling...)

HOW WE DO OUR THANG

Your wait is over

Stiff Kittie is here

Its tha S to tha K

Like candy for your ear

I wanna see ladies in tha house

I wanna see them all bounce

I need to hear you scream and shout

Cuz this is what its all about

So you wanna hear a little rappin?

You know Stiff Kittie its about to happen

Its the hip hop fashion the lyrical faction

The group of all groups and we all that

This is how we do our thang

We ain't ever gonna change

You're thoughts were right

Its a lyrical fight

Stiff Kittie give you telepathic thoughts

Its a Jedi mind trick

Make you talk like a wookie

Do a Kung Fu kick

Here, you want a cookie?

We do this cuz its fun

Not because we get paid

Its not about the bling

Its about the lemonade

My momma says shes proud

Cuz she makes it homemade

I'm livin' like a king, Ha!

It ain't no tang

Stiff Kittie for life

Forever we be

Just wait and see

You'll see me

You'll see me in the back of my Benz

Windows tinted dark livin' large, we're in charge

Feels so good

Didn't know it could

These beats are bumpin'

You know we're doin' somethin'

This is how we do our thang

We ain't ever gonna change

My name is Steve "and Kevin!"

We rappin' twenty four seven

Our rhymes are so fresh

You'd think we stole 'em from heaven

"From Kevin?"

Nah, from Heaven

Lets go to Seven Eleven

I need a sugary fix

Some people call me Supa Steve

And you gotta believe

All the ladies that I meet

Never want me to leave

Cuz you know I got it goin' on

I'm out, Peace

Some people call me call me Krazy K

Mister AKA

Its a hobo on the street

And he's comin' this way

Cuz you know I'm sportin' flava

So check you lata

CABERNET IN THE PARLOR

Walking through the park one day

Seen a swell fine dame, had nothing to say

Next thing I know, she was coming my way

But I didn't know what to say

So I says, come to the parlor

We'll have a cabernet for two

Kissing, loving, drinking

If that's OK with you

Walking down the street one day

Singin' and-a-whistlin' my troubles away

Next thing I know, a lady in grey

Comes to me and says shes from a town miles away

So I says, come to the parlor

We'll have a cabernet for two

We'll waste the afternoon away

Just me and you

Let's go to the parlor

We'll have a cabernet for two

We don't need no women

This cabernet's for YOU!

All lyrics and content on this website were written by

Stiff Kittie and are copyrighted by Stiff Kittie Inc.

Violaters will be prosecuted and fed to wild animals. No kidding